you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
