Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
