My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
