Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
