Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
