Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
