I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
