she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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