U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
