she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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