I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
