Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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