I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
