i jhust puked up my retainher.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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