i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize