Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
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