I'm going to jail i love you
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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