I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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