Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
