3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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