yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
