the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
