You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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