if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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