You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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