I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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