I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Ladies don't puke and tell
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
