So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
