She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
