she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
