Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We had to coat check the pizza.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
