I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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