awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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