Who did Billy Mays play for?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
