So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you