Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.