I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
reminds me of losing my job
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?