Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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