Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.