You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
A bitchslap is in order.