On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
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Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after