Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
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Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
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You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is