just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.