All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
COCAINE IS GR8
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney