I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER