can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
P.S. I can't hear my feet
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.