I hate all girls vehemently.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
