Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
that is very illegal...i love you.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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