I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
