Please don't use social media to get back at me.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
