How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
