what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
