evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
