There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
