I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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