not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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