Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
