ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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