physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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