I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
