to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
