yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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