Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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