The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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