you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
