She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
