I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Is it because I queefed?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
