i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
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He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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