I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
