I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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