Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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