piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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