Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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