Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
