the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
