I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
