just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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