Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
