She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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