so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
