When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
