Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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